After Candace and I had four wonderful children we knew our family was still incomplete. We knew from the birth of our first child that we would adopt. I had fixed in my mind exactly how the adoption was going to work. However, during the years of waiting we talked about different types of adoption. Yet nothing prepared us for what happened to us.
After going through LDS Family Services and waiting, and being told more than once we were a match only to have it fall through, we looked at different ways to bring our child home. We learned about Nathan from Adopt America Network. We sent in a profile and waited. We heard nothing. For several months we heard nothing. Then out of the blue the birthmother’s case worker asked for more information about us. Then nothing. We knew the birthmother’s due date was in late August and we kept hoping that no news was good news. Then the case worker told us that the birthmother wanted to talk to us on the phone. We talked and had a good conversation. She talked about how she envisioned placement. Still there was no commitment on her part to choose us as the family to raise her son. Three weeks later Nathan was born. His birthmother had chosen us. Our prayers had been answered.
A long month later after father’s rites were terminated we met the birthmother and Nathan for the first time. Having been in the delivery room with each of my other children I was worried that the bond wouldn’t be the same. But it is amazing how love works. It was amazing for me to see his birthmother and Candace interact and hold Nathan together. Then it was my turn to hold him. It was amazing. Six months later we were in the temple sealing him to our family.
About a year after Nathan was home we again started looking for ways to bring another child into our family. We took foster classes and became licensed foster parents. Yet nothing happened and we continued to wait. As all parents who look into adoption know waiting is hard. The lessons the Lord wants us to learn vary but He had lessons to teach our family through this adoption. We again asked our friend with Adopt America Network for profiles. She would email children and sibling groups. At the end of each email she would have a child with special needs. I am embarrassed to say I was afraid of such an adoption. I had never imagined my family with a child with special needs. Candace instantly wanted to look into special needs adoption. I was more hesitant. Then one sleepless night spending the night in prayer the Lord softened my heart. The prompting was to move forward. We went to a friend’s house who has adopted 16 children all of who have special needs to some degree. We asked her what it would mean to bring a child with special needs into our home. We left there knowing that was the route we were going to go with our next adoption.
The next day Candace met me at work to tell me of a little boy who was born with spina bifida the week before. We prayed right there in my office and felt like this little boy would be ours. We again went through all the paper work and waiting. A long month later we found ourselves in the hospital meeting our son Jayden. The joy of finally seeing our son was overwhelming.
This month of December we will finalize his adoption and on December 23 we will seal him to us. It is amazing how the Lord teaches us with the birth of each of our children.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Please take time to read this inspiring story
High School Heroes: American Fork teen running past tragedies
High School Heroes: American Fork teen running past tragedies
High School Heroes: American Fork teen running past tragedies
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Upcoming Adoption Forum: State Foster Care/Adoption
Please join us Thursday, August 26th at the Davis County Library Centerville Branch to learn more about State Foster Care and Adoption.
Friday, June 11, 2010
A story of a designated/private adoption
Our story of a designated / private adoption began in the fall of 2007. We had been married 9 years and struggled with infertility throughout. We had adopted an infant daughter in 2003 and she was now 4 years old. We had just moved into our new home and began working on our home study looking forward to another adoption. Things were not going smoothly with our paperwork. Our caseworker didn’t like our pictures or our birth parent letter and we had re done them several times. Our Bishop’s letter never made it to him and it just seemed like things were dragging out.
One day a friend from high school was over for lunch and we were having a good time catching up. She had been telling me over the years about one of her sister in laws that had been struggling in her life. She had made some poor decisions, gotten pregnant, delivered the baby at home but then was only partially taking care of it. On this particular day she was telling me the latest news on the story. Sadly it wasn’t good. The family was worried for the safety of the child and they were afraid that the mom was really having some mental heath issues that were not good for the little girl. They were even considering having the child taken away so that it could be placed for adoption with a stable family. My heart broke for this little girl that I had never even met. I told my friend that I would take her, I would take her today!
It was at least 2 months later that I got an email from my friend. She said that the family was really getting close to doing something major for this little girl and they wanted to know if I had been serious… would I really be willing to take her into my home and adopt her. They didn’t want her to go to just any home; they wanted her to go somewhere that they could still be a part of her life.
My husband and I prayed about it and we felt good about it. We thought that we could be a positive and stable place for her even if we were never able to adopt her. Our caseworkers at LDS Family Services warned against it because it really could have challenges and the possibility of ending badly. Of course the birth mother would not be on board with placing the child for adoption. Things really went back and forth for about 3-4 months. Family Services went above and beyond for us in helping to facilitate the process. They spoke with the grandfather who had wanted to raise her himself. Ultimately helping him understand that she really needed a mother and father and she needed a place away from the craziness of her birthmother. They offered to meet with the birth mother on our behalf, but it was decided that she would only reject that effort and cause more problems.
There were also many attempts by the family to get the birth mother to relinquish her rights or at least sign over legal guardianship. She did sign a letter giving her parents guardianship, but it wasn’t a legal contract. Then later she did sign legal papers giving her parents guardianship, but we found out that it would be even harder because the grandparents still didn’t have the right to place her for adoption. So the guardianship was never taken to the courts. Although things were kind of messy… we just knew that she needed a family and so we waited patiently for things to come together.
In January of 2008 having never met Ashley… The grandparents along with my friend came to my home and dropped her off with her things to live with us. Within 10 minutes of them dropping her off, she was calling me mom. Later that night she was asking if this was “Ashley’s house”. . It was clear to us right away that she had been through a lot in her little life. She was nearly 2 years old and she was a very sweet and happy little girl. It was a leap of faith for us….we had no legal right to have her. In essence we were babysitting. And to be honest the outcome did not look great for us to keep her.
In the mean time the birth mom had been involuntarily committed to a mental heath facility for evaluation. She was released a week later because although they believed she was delusional they could not hold her because she was deemed to not be of risk to herself or others. She was told that we had her daughter, and at that time she was happy about that. She was very angry with her parents and did not want them to have Ashley. By some miracle in February she voluntarily went into our lawyers office and signed legal guardianship over to us. Unfortunately the courts took a very long time to process our request and legal guardianship was not granted until June 11th, 5 months after she came to live with us.
Legal Guardianship brought with it a great relief for us. We could finally get insurance for her. We could have her immunized and we could make some decisions for her well being. But sadly, I still could not promise her that she could be a part of our family forever.
We spent the next many months doing a lot of waiting…. Our lawyer said that our chances of filing for abandonment or any such thing would be better the longer she was with us. The family continued to try to get the birth mother to sign relinquishment papers, but to no avail. She wanted Ashley back, but she didn’t want to take care of her. She wanted the grandparents to raise her. We were grateful to have her with us and were anxious to adopt her and make things permanent in her life.
In the mean time, the birth mother was not holding down any jobs. She was moving around the states a lot and living out of her car. We tried to document all that we could to help with our case. At a later point she even became pregnant with twin babies. She gave birth to those babies and placed both for adoption. We spent endless hours writing up affidavits and having them signed by everyone that knew the birth mother. We petitioned the court for the adoption based on the length of time we had been taking care of her. The lack of trying on the birthmothers end to see her, or provide for her in any way.
Finally by another miracle in January of 2010 we received notice from the judge that the parental rights of both birth parents had been terminated and we would not need to hold a court hearing. After 2 years Ashley was finally free for us to adopt. Thank goodness for LDS family services for keeping our home study up to date. It only took 2 more weeks for us to get a court date with the judge where he granted Ashley’s adoption and we were able to legally change her name and birth certificate. Two weeks after that we were able to take her to the Bountiful Temple and have her sealed for eternity to our family. Now,
when I tuck in my little girl at night I am able to promise her that we will be a family forever and she will always be with us. I could have never foreseen the challenges that were ahead of me in the beginning of this process. And although it was a long road, I would never trade it for anything. It was worth every sleepless night and every tear that I cried to be able to have her with me for eternity. And for her to have a stable loving family is a gift from Heavenly Father that she will never take for granted.
For anyone who is considering a private or designated adoption… I would say, pray about it and if you believe in your heart that you can do good for that child then take the risk. Talk to people around you and let them know you are searching for your child and I know that Heavenly Father will provide a way for you to find each other.
One day a friend from high school was over for lunch and we were having a good time catching up. She had been telling me over the years about one of her sister in laws that had been struggling in her life. She had made some poor decisions, gotten pregnant, delivered the baby at home but then was only partially taking care of it. On this particular day she was telling me the latest news on the story. Sadly it wasn’t good. The family was worried for the safety of the child and they were afraid that the mom was really having some mental heath issues that were not good for the little girl. They were even considering having the child taken away so that it could be placed for adoption with a stable family. My heart broke for this little girl that I had never even met. I told my friend that I would take her, I would take her today!
It was at least 2 months later that I got an email from my friend. She said that the family was really getting close to doing something major for this little girl and they wanted to know if I had been serious… would I really be willing to take her into my home and adopt her. They didn’t want her to go to just any home; they wanted her to go somewhere that they could still be a part of her life.
My husband and I prayed about it and we felt good about it. We thought that we could be a positive and stable place for her even if we were never able to adopt her. Our caseworkers at LDS Family Services warned against it because it really could have challenges and the possibility of ending badly. Of course the birth mother would not be on board with placing the child for adoption. Things really went back and forth for about 3-4 months. Family Services went above and beyond for us in helping to facilitate the process. They spoke with the grandfather who had wanted to raise her himself. Ultimately helping him understand that she really needed a mother and father and she needed a place away from the craziness of her birthmother. They offered to meet with the birth mother on our behalf, but it was decided that she would only reject that effort and cause more problems.
There were also many attempts by the family to get the birth mother to relinquish her rights or at least sign over legal guardianship. She did sign a letter giving her parents guardianship, but it wasn’t a legal contract. Then later she did sign legal papers giving her parents guardianship, but we found out that it would be even harder because the grandparents still didn’t have the right to place her for adoption. So the guardianship was never taken to the courts. Although things were kind of messy… we just knew that she needed a family and so we waited patiently for things to come together.
In January of 2008 having never met Ashley… The grandparents along with my friend came to my home and dropped her off with her things to live with us. Within 10 minutes of them dropping her off, she was calling me mom. Later that night she was asking if this was “Ashley’s house”. . It was clear to us right away that she had been through a lot in her little life. She was nearly 2 years old and she was a very sweet and happy little girl. It was a leap of faith for us….we had no legal right to have her. In essence we were babysitting. And to be honest the outcome did not look great for us to keep her.
In the mean time the birth mom had been involuntarily committed to a mental heath facility for evaluation. She was released a week later because although they believed she was delusional they could not hold her because she was deemed to not be of risk to herself or others. She was told that we had her daughter, and at that time she was happy about that. She was very angry with her parents and did not want them to have Ashley. By some miracle in February she voluntarily went into our lawyers office and signed legal guardianship over to us. Unfortunately the courts took a very long time to process our request and legal guardianship was not granted until June 11th, 5 months after she came to live with us.
Legal Guardianship brought with it a great relief for us. We could finally get insurance for her. We could have her immunized and we could make some decisions for her well being. But sadly, I still could not promise her that she could be a part of our family forever.
We spent the next many months doing a lot of waiting…. Our lawyer said that our chances of filing for abandonment or any such thing would be better the longer she was with us. The family continued to try to get the birth mother to sign relinquishment papers, but to no avail. She wanted Ashley back, but she didn’t want to take care of her. She wanted the grandparents to raise her. We were grateful to have her with us and were anxious to adopt her and make things permanent in her life.
In the mean time, the birth mother was not holding down any jobs. She was moving around the states a lot and living out of her car. We tried to document all that we could to help with our case. At a later point she even became pregnant with twin babies. She gave birth to those babies and placed both for adoption. We spent endless hours writing up affidavits and having them signed by everyone that knew the birth mother. We petitioned the court for the adoption based on the length of time we had been taking care of her. The lack of trying on the birthmothers end to see her, or provide for her in any way.
Finally by another miracle in January of 2010 we received notice from the judge that the parental rights of both birth parents had been terminated and we would not need to hold a court hearing. After 2 years Ashley was finally free for us to adopt. Thank goodness for LDS family services for keeping our home study up to date. It only took 2 more weeks for us to get a court date with the judge where he granted Ashley’s adoption and we were able to legally change her name and birth certificate. Two weeks after that we were able to take her to the Bountiful Temple and have her sealed for eternity to our family. Now,
when I tuck in my little girl at night I am able to promise her that we will be a family forever and she will always be with us. I could have never foreseen the challenges that were ahead of me in the beginning of this process. And although it was a long road, I would never trade it for anything. It was worth every sleepless night and every tear that I cried to be able to have her with me for eternity. And for her to have a stable loving family is a gift from Heavenly Father that she will never take for granted.
For anyone who is considering a private or designated adoption… I would say, pray about it and if you believe in your heart that you can do good for that child then take the risk. Talk to people around you and let them know you are searching for your child and I know that Heavenly Father will provide a way for you to find each other.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Value Statements
Value Statements
1. As Staff, board members and volunteers, we strive to live by the standards set in The Family: A Proclamation to the World.
2. We have a testimony of adoption and its ongoing blessings to children birth parents and adoptive families.
3. We are committed to creating a personable and motivated network of LDS families who will support build and help one another on their individual journeys to create eternal families.
4. We actively advocate on behalf of children by acting as the eyes and hands of the Savior as we seek to promote their best interests in finding safe, supportive families.
5. We understand that all children are beloved by God, and therefore actively seek to support all children regardless of physical and/or mental disabilities, or cultural, racial or ethnic diversity.
6. We are committed to exhibiting the love of our Savior through our words and deeds.
1. As Staff, board members and volunteers, we strive to live by the standards set in The Family: A Proclamation to the World.
2. We have a testimony of adoption and its ongoing blessings to children birth parents and adoptive families.
3. We are committed to creating a personable and motivated network of LDS families who will support build and help one another on their individual journeys to create eternal families.
4. We actively advocate on behalf of children by acting as the eyes and hands of the Savior as we seek to promote their best interests in finding safe, supportive families.
5. We understand that all children are beloved by God, and therefore actively seek to support all children regardless of physical and/or mental disabilities, or cultural, racial or ethnic diversity.
6. We are committed to exhibiting the love of our Savior through our words and deeds.
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